Just some food for thought

Insecurity is not a trait limited to women. There are many men who are also insecure, especially if they perceive themselves to be the lesser partner in a relationship. But most often, it seems to be women who are the more insecure of the two.

Insecurity is damaging to a relationship especially when it is totally unjustified. If a woman is insecure and constantly finding fault with you as a result, there will come a point when you will get fed up trying to placate her and prefer being with someone who is more deserving of your affection.

While most of us are insecure about something, be it our looks, intelligence or popularity, we tend to deal with it and get on with our lives. We are aware that we are lacking in a certain department, but also reassure ourselves that we compensate for it in another area. Insecurity becomes a problem when it assumes larger-than-life proportions and verges on paranoia. If you find someone that you really see into, it is worth examining the problem and getting to the root cause of the insecurity, just as any paranoia can be traced to certain deep-rooted fears.
Sometimes a woman becomes insecure due to severe criticism, either from parents or siblings, that she’s too lazy or inefficient or feeling that she is totally lacking in looks for anyone to ever be attracted to her. Or she may have become insecure when a relationship went sour and she got dumped, or found out that her man was cheating on her. They might try to become someone that they feel is "worthy" of everyones attention.

For instance, someone who is life-and-soul of the party may well be that extrovert in order to keep an inner hurt from being discovered. It's a kind of camouflage, and it works like this: "If people don't see the real me, they cannot hurt the real me. If they upset the outer me, that's OK. But they won't because I'm the life and soul of the party." Seems like it is fool proof...but it's not, it ends up hurting a lot worse for a lot longer down the line. On top of the hurt the insecurities cause themselves, the ones around them, especially the one closest, ends up getting hurt also. Sometimes that special person just wants to show how much they love them no matter what, and the insecure one gets upset or defensive and paranoid in unbelief, and may even lash out.

How much does one have to give to show that no shortcoming interferes with real, unjudging, deep, undeniable...Love? What truly has to be done so that one can be truly happy with the affection and attention they deny themselves of? One has to first be happy with themselves, not with who they haven't been or wish they could be but who they are now, the strengths they now possess and lean on them to help build up those weaknesses. To worry about what everyone else has to say about what they feel may not be perfect is a poison that will consume every ounce of energy you have and you will persish an unhappy individual. What kind of life is that?

I may not have loved who I was for years and a lot of decisions were based on that weakness alone but today, today I understand that who I am today is me. No matter who I pretend to be, who I envy, or who I try to be so very badly...I can't escape...me. Today, I love me, I love my struggles not because they are so great or because no one has ever endured anything like them but because through them I have learned more than I would ever have imagined. I learned more about myself and who I really am because I wanted to be so different. But why? I am not so bad when I really understood who it was underneath it all. Have I become a narcissist? nah...just a little more mature.