Have you ever thought about what it would be like to not miss the constant bickering, the back and forth , the hair pulling irritation from the one that tells you "I love you"? But in the same sense you look around and you realize how difficult it is to find someone who is nice, compassionate, caring, genuine, and compatible. The last thing you want is a dead end relationship...again. However, being that it is our nature, we desire romance, companionship, and intimacy (with the exception of those freaks out there)....Why is it that "some" (few) people can find true love and happiness..and "some" (many) cant....what's wrong? are they just the lucky ones? is there a trick? or are there a lack of "happy seekers"? are people afraid of commitment? Or do we tend to focus on too many warning signs from the relationship that one is doing wrong that it almost becomes paranoia and we ruin it?
Honestly , I believe that when that feeling comes over you,it is perception ..no, more like a sixth sense..It may not be that something physically is going on, it may very well be that the feeling is deeper than that. So instead of reacting in a manner that could be detrimental to each others feelings like accusing or putting the other down. You look at potential situations. You say...ok if this is how it is currently... I have little ground for any trust to stand on. No matter what the issue is if you don't have a foundation, how can you honestly say to yourself- that's ok, things wont be like that because it just feels right? Who are you kidding...Who am I kidding?
When you have expressed your concern...and you get nothing as to action for a response and not able to reason with the person I think this might be the time to realize that this relationship is not right for you. Isn't true love the kind of thing that puts the object of our love first in all things? If that is true, you should be able to see some willingness to understand and work with you on it if they truly love you. If not...do you realize where you stand?
Are you supposed to make adjustments so it doesn't seem that bad or do you go about your day on YOUR schedule and let things fall as they are? all the while knowing you will be single, again, and have to do it all over.... again.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Why not be happy with you?
I'm fat. I'm too skinny. I'd be happy if I were taller, shorter, had curly hair, straight hair, a smaller nose, bigger muscles, longer legs. Is there something wrong with me?
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
The term physical appearance covers a lot of territory and stereotyping plays a major factor in the equation. Thanks in part to the visual media and advertising blitz's on TV, the Internet, magazines, newspapers and billboards we are overwhelmed with information telling everyone of the ideal weight, sexiest muscular structure,most desirable curves, most attractive hair color, optimal height, preferred eye color and the list of purely physical attributes goes on and on.
Women who are dating are most confident when their physical appearance most closely matches that of the models paraded before them- (which gets both ends of the spectrum) thin Victoria's secret model or the juicy bombshell. Men are most confident when their physical appearance most closely matches that of the latest idealized male form- The chiseled physique
Physique is defined the body with reference to its physical appearance for instance, muscular development. In other words the actual physical appearance of the individuals frame, musculature etc. Many, who feel themselves to be lacking in some physical sense from the perfection seen all the time, try to make up for their perceived lack by wearing certain types, design or color of clothing. Trendy styles are advertised as being capable of changing an individuals physical appearance to better conform to what society has proclaimed to be physically attractive and stereotyping the look in question, making it something all should attain.
Paying attention to how one decorates-dresses, applies scent, makeup, and/or jewelry-one's physique has been culturally important since man first appeared on this planet. Back through historical records there is evidence of this.
Physical appearance is tied into the ideal of taking proper care of yourself, promoting health, longevity not to mention lowering the chances of becoming a high maintenance partner at some point in the future.
These days the media provides a moving force to exercise by promoting the idea that an attractive physique is whole to proper physical appearance adding and stereotyping to that which is deemed sexy and that which is not.
One of the issues we must deal with as we age is the visual perceptions of others as well as our own personal stereotyping. Our society promotes the muscular, tight, firm abs and pecs that are naturally found in younger people. Unfortunately no matter the amount of good living and exercise pursued they tend to degrade somewhat as we age.
Physical appearance that's considered attractive is part of the first impression we all talk about. We form an instant judgment of that person's character and personality, whether correct or incorrect at the initial viewing of a person. Paleness, lack of muscle tone or mass, a 'weak' handshake are all looked down upon when meeting a male for the first time while a firm handshake, physically fit, well muscled, tanned, deep chested man provides a more favorable impression. And stereotyping has so much to do with the perceptions contrived from merely taking in an other's physical characteristics. Does that seem fair?
Women, on the other hand, are often viewed with suspicion if they don't present a charming, feminine, delicate, well-cared picture. Being tanned, exercised,under a certain weight, proper physical measurements - waist, hips and chest - are crucial variables to consider when trying to keep up with the latest criteria for evaluating an other's worth and stereotyping using physical appearance as the sole criteria.
Furthermore if you look at the ends of the spectrum like I mentioned earlier (Victoria's secret model and juicy bombshell) they make healthy relationships a very difficult task. On the male side anyway...I'm sorry but I have to say that you could find a woman that you find extremely attractive (this is worse if you find her and she is your "ideal") and she just does not like herself...she wants bigger breasts or a rounder backside or smaller hips, thicker legs or thinner legs or a more petite frame...and it doesn't matter that you tell her you are totally and completely satisfied with her physical appearance...she doesn't realize that you were attracted to her when you first met her. She is so consumed with what media portrays as "Hot and Sexy" she is totally oblivious to the fact that your more than content.
Men are guilty of it too. we hear our girlfriends oohs and ahhs over the hunky guy on T.V. and we wonder what the crap/ I look nothing like this guy...does she fantasize about him when shes with me...or is lying when she tells me that she likes my body type...and likes the little bit of love handles as opposed to the V-cut ken doll lines? get real for one..but for two we become victim of the same thing and thus a lifelong dedication to the focus on perfection....but for who? the people that have made perfection for the better good of the company's they represent? think about it....we are all criticized and guilty of being a critic from time to time....but what matters most is what is important to you ...what makes you feel good...not what someone else says you have to feel good about.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
The term physical appearance covers a lot of territory and stereotyping plays a major factor in the equation. Thanks in part to the visual media and advertising blitz's on TV, the Internet, magazines, newspapers and billboards we are overwhelmed with information telling everyone of the ideal weight, sexiest muscular structure,most desirable curves, most attractive hair color, optimal height, preferred eye color and the list of purely physical attributes goes on and on.
Women who are dating are most confident when their physical appearance most closely matches that of the models paraded before them- (which gets both ends of the spectrum) thin Victoria's secret model or the juicy bombshell. Men are most confident when their physical appearance most closely matches that of the latest idealized male form- The chiseled physique
Physique is defined the body with reference to its physical appearance for instance, muscular development. In other words the actual physical appearance of the individuals frame, musculature etc. Many, who feel themselves to be lacking in some physical sense from the perfection seen all the time, try to make up for their perceived lack by wearing certain types, design or color of clothing. Trendy styles are advertised as being capable of changing an individuals physical appearance to better conform to what society has proclaimed to be physically attractive and stereotyping the look in question, making it something all should attain.
Paying attention to how one decorates-dresses, applies scent, makeup, and/or jewelry-one's physique has been culturally important since man first appeared on this planet. Back through historical records there is evidence of this.
Physical appearance is tied into the ideal of taking proper care of yourself, promoting health, longevity not to mention lowering the chances of becoming a high maintenance partner at some point in the future.
These days the media provides a moving force to exercise by promoting the idea that an attractive physique is whole to proper physical appearance adding and stereotyping to that which is deemed sexy and that which is not.
One of the issues we must deal with as we age is the visual perceptions of others as well as our own personal stereotyping. Our society promotes the muscular, tight, firm abs and pecs that are naturally found in younger people. Unfortunately no matter the amount of good living and exercise pursued they tend to degrade somewhat as we age.
Physical appearance that's considered attractive is part of the first impression we all talk about. We form an instant judgment of that person's character and personality, whether correct or incorrect at the initial viewing of a person. Paleness, lack of muscle tone or mass, a 'weak' handshake are all looked down upon when meeting a male for the first time while a firm handshake, physically fit, well muscled, tanned, deep chested man provides a more favorable impression. And stereotyping has so much to do with the perceptions contrived from merely taking in an other's physical characteristics. Does that seem fair?
Women, on the other hand, are often viewed with suspicion if they don't present a charming, feminine, delicate, well-cared picture. Being tanned, exercised,under a certain weight, proper physical measurements - waist, hips and chest - are crucial variables to consider when trying to keep up with the latest criteria for evaluating an other's worth and stereotyping using physical appearance as the sole criteria.
Furthermore if you look at the ends of the spectrum like I mentioned earlier (Victoria's secret model and juicy bombshell) they make healthy relationships a very difficult task. On the male side anyway...I'm sorry but I have to say that you could find a woman that you find extremely attractive (this is worse if you find her and she is your "ideal") and she just does not like herself...she wants bigger breasts or a rounder backside or smaller hips, thicker legs or thinner legs or a more petite frame...and it doesn't matter that you tell her you are totally and completely satisfied with her physical appearance...she doesn't realize that you were attracted to her when you first met her. She is so consumed with what media portrays as "Hot and Sexy" she is totally oblivious to the fact that your more than content.
Men are guilty of it too. we hear our girlfriends oohs and ahhs over the hunky guy on T.V. and we wonder what the crap/ I look nothing like this guy...does she fantasize about him when shes with me...or is lying when she tells me that she likes my body type...and likes the little bit of love handles as opposed to the V-cut ken doll lines? get real for one..but for two we become victim of the same thing and thus a lifelong dedication to the focus on perfection....but for who? the people that have made perfection for the better good of the company's they represent? think about it....we are all criticized and guilty of being a critic from time to time....but what matters most is what is important to you ...what makes you feel good...not what someone else says you have to feel good about.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Man vs Woman MODIFIED
Ok this was sent to me by a loving fan......so i decided to post it....EXPRESSIONS WOMAN USE THAT ARE MISUNDERSTOOD BY THE MALE GENDER...MODIFIED
Nine Words Women Use
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house.
3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothing.)
5. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
6. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot', which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' - that will bring on No. 7).
7. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying, "F-- YOU!"
8. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to No. 4.
9. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "Fine".
Send this link to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
Nine Words Women Use
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house.
3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothing.)
5. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
6. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot', which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' - that will bring on No. 7).
7. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying, "F-- YOU!"
8. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to No. 4.
9. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "Fine".
Send this link to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Man vs Woman
The psychological differences between men and women are not too obvious. They can also be difficult to describe, especially if you are trying to point out a "lack of" in your partner (I don't recommend that). Yet these differences can influence how we form and maintain relationships.
Recognizing, understanding, discussing as well as acting skillfully in light of the differences between the two of us can be difficult. Our failure to recognize and appreciate these differences can become a life long source of disappointment, frustration, tension and eventually our downfall in a relationship.
Problems arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should think, feel or act the way we do. It’s not that we live in completely different realities. Really, it's our lack of knowledge and mutual experience that gives rise to our difficulties.
The challenge facing us is to become aware of our identities, to accept our differences, and to live our lives fully and as skillfully as possible. To do this we must first understand in what ways we are different. We must avoid trying to change others to suit our needs.
While men and women can reach similar conclusions and make similar decisions, the process we use can be quit different and in some cases can lead to entirely different outcomes. In general, men and women consider and process information differently.
Women tend to be intuitive multi-thinkers/taskers. They come to understand and consider problems all at once. They will take a broad or "collective" perspective, and view elements in a task or problem from all angles. Sometimes may even have difficulty separating their personal experience from problems. Yes.....You are emotional, We know. :)
Men tend to focus on one problem at a time or a limited number of problems at a time. We have an enhanced ability to separate ourselves from problems and minimize the complexity that may exist. We come to understand and consider problems one piece at a time. We take a one dimension perspective, and sometimes may work through a problem repeatedly, talking about the same thing over and over, rather than trying to fix the the problem all at once.
While there are differences in the ways that we think,
we must avoid taking our differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. The idea that one gender can think and feel like the other if they truly loved each is rather absurd. Sure, a man or women could act in consideration of the other’s needs, but this would not necessarily be rewarding and honest. Holding the benefit of another above our own is rewarding. But from time to time, and more often for most of us, it is important to be our self and to be accepted, and not to be the source of distress and disappointment in the lives of people we love.
Even our communication is on a different playing field. Take note to these 5 simple but useful expressions coming from a woman....it may just help you out one day. I'm still learning....I have a lot of trial and error....and like most men I praise the successful trials and I laugh off the errors...which has proven to not be the best solution to my mistakes. So if you are wrong or are told your wrong (even if your aren't) DON"T LAUGH!
"FINE": This is the word she'll use to end an argument when she feel she is right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a she looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.
"FIVE MINUTES": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you pay attention to her again, so it's usually an even trade.
"NOTHING": This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling she has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".
"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a her getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
Recognizing, understanding, discussing as well as acting skillfully in light of the differences between the two of us can be difficult. Our failure to recognize and appreciate these differences can become a life long source of disappointment, frustration, tension and eventually our downfall in a relationship.
Problems arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should think, feel or act the way we do. It’s not that we live in completely different realities. Really, it's our lack of knowledge and mutual experience that gives rise to our difficulties.
The challenge facing us is to become aware of our identities, to accept our differences, and to live our lives fully and as skillfully as possible. To do this we must first understand in what ways we are different. We must avoid trying to change others to suit our needs.
While men and women can reach similar conclusions and make similar decisions, the process we use can be quit different and in some cases can lead to entirely different outcomes. In general, men and women consider and process information differently.
Women tend to be intuitive multi-thinkers/taskers. They come to understand and consider problems all at once. They will take a broad or "collective" perspective, and view elements in a task or problem from all angles. Sometimes may even have difficulty separating their personal experience from problems. Yes.....You are emotional, We know. :)
Men tend to focus on one problem at a time or a limited number of problems at a time. We have an enhanced ability to separate ourselves from problems and minimize the complexity that may exist. We come to understand and consider problems one piece at a time. We take a one dimension perspective, and sometimes may work through a problem repeatedly, talking about the same thing over and over, rather than trying to fix the the problem all at once.
While there are differences in the ways that we think,
we must avoid taking our differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. The idea that one gender can think and feel like the other if they truly loved each is rather absurd. Sure, a man or women could act in consideration of the other’s needs, but this would not necessarily be rewarding and honest. Holding the benefit of another above our own is rewarding. But from time to time, and more often for most of us, it is important to be our self and to be accepted, and not to be the source of distress and disappointment in the lives of people we love.
Even our communication is on a different playing field. Take note to these 5 simple but useful expressions coming from a woman....it may just help you out one day. I'm still learning....I have a lot of trial and error....and like most men I praise the successful trials and I laugh off the errors...which has proven to not be the best solution to my mistakes. So if you are wrong or are told your wrong (even if your aren't) DON"T LAUGH!
"FINE": This is the word she'll use to end an argument when she feel she is right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a she looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.
"FIVE MINUTES": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you pay attention to her again, so it's usually an even trade.
"NOTHING": This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling she has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".
"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a her getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
When it's so hard
It seems counterintuitive, but when you're mad at someone you care for, the best way to deal with your anger is to talk about it. All too often, I don't feel like speaking to the person who has irritated me, no matter who it is. But clamming up or inappropriately venting only causes more ill feelings.
Sharing your anger with the person you're mad at can actually be a bonding experience. The idea here is to calm yourself down long enough so that you can actually articulate what's going on for you. Perhaps you felt slighted, ignored, or just plain offended. Whatever the reason, not putting your feelings on the table will only lead to more of the same.
The challenge here is to move through your pain to a place of mutual healing and respect. Making up is far sexier than making each other wrong. Once you say what you need to say and feel heard by the other, you have created the opportunity for love to fill the hole in your heart.
Maybe we just do it wrong...maybe the anger and irritation are intensified by the criticism or the "need to change" approach. Maybe what needs to be done instead of the constant criticism is praise and acknowledgement of the strengths. Both perceptions or opinions should be analyzed not criticized. So it would be fair to say that both partners are usually guilty of this lack of understanding. I know I am.
Sharing your anger with the person you're mad at can actually be a bonding experience. The idea here is to calm yourself down long enough so that you can actually articulate what's going on for you. Perhaps you felt slighted, ignored, or just plain offended. Whatever the reason, not putting your feelings on the table will only lead to more of the same.
The challenge here is to move through your pain to a place of mutual healing and respect. Making up is far sexier than making each other wrong. Once you say what you need to say and feel heard by the other, you have created the opportunity for love to fill the hole in your heart.
Maybe we just do it wrong...maybe the anger and irritation are intensified by the criticism or the "need to change" approach. Maybe what needs to be done instead of the constant criticism is praise and acknowledgement of the strengths. Both perceptions or opinions should be analyzed not criticized. So it would be fair to say that both partners are usually guilty of this lack of understanding. I know I am.
It gets better and better
Expecting negative events means you are never disappointed. Being suspicious about the motives of others won't leave you gasping when you are tricked.
Attributions are the reasons or explanations that we attach to things. If we see the dog standing by the front door with the leash in its mouth we assume it wants to go for a walk. If we find a book in our significant others desk or dresser that instructs you how to get that man/woman you've always had your eye on....we assume that he/she is going to be unfaithful.
It's just the way we are built, it will probably happen again and there's no changing it.
The type of attributions I make about my partner's behavior will have an important affect on whether I can get over what they've done, or not. It will also affect whether I can save the relationship - thats if I want to do that. Even if I don't want to save the relationship, adopting the wrong attributional style could have serious consequences for my sanity.
The reason attributions are important is that they're directly related to whether or not we can forgive. On the other hand, if you think there's no changing your partner then there's less chance of forgiving them.
Accessing our own higher mental processes is often difficult. Some of us have found it easy to manipulate the reasons we give for decisions, judgements or actions. Worse than this, even when we're not actively being manipulated, we regularly fool ourselves without the need of any encouragement.
Many of our actions, thoughts and feelings are probably motivated by things that happened a long time ago. The problem is that over time we easily forget. Even things that only happened recently may also pass quickly out of conscious thought, and so we don't consider them. Sometimes the mechanics of our thoughts are just plain weird.
Sometimes great effects are produced by tiny causes. Think of the metaphor used to explain Chaos Theory about the butterfly flapping its wings over China causing a huge storm in another part of the world.
Intuitively these sorts of explanations don't appeal to you or me. Great effects should have great causes. Because of this we're likely to miss the connection between cause and effect when there is a mismatch in size.
Knowing about each of these biases is more than interesting, it is genuinely helpful in everyday life. It is sometimes easy to form the impression that we know the reasons for the things we do and think. Continually feeding this misapprehension is our need to feel in control of ourselves...and sometimes others
Attributions are the reasons or explanations that we attach to things. If we see the dog standing by the front door with the leash in its mouth we assume it wants to go for a walk. If we find a book in our significant others desk or dresser that instructs you how to get that man/woman you've always had your eye on....we assume that he/she is going to be unfaithful.
It's just the way we are built, it will probably happen again and there's no changing it.
The type of attributions I make about my partner's behavior will have an important affect on whether I can get over what they've done, or not. It will also affect whether I can save the relationship - thats if I want to do that. Even if I don't want to save the relationship, adopting the wrong attributional style could have serious consequences for my sanity.
The reason attributions are important is that they're directly related to whether or not we can forgive. On the other hand, if you think there's no changing your partner then there's less chance of forgiving them.
Accessing our own higher mental processes is often difficult. Some of us have found it easy to manipulate the reasons we give for decisions, judgements or actions. Worse than this, even when we're not actively being manipulated, we regularly fool ourselves without the need of any encouragement.
Many of our actions, thoughts and feelings are probably motivated by things that happened a long time ago. The problem is that over time we easily forget. Even things that only happened recently may also pass quickly out of conscious thought, and so we don't consider them. Sometimes the mechanics of our thoughts are just plain weird.
Sometimes great effects are produced by tiny causes. Think of the metaphor used to explain Chaos Theory about the butterfly flapping its wings over China causing a huge storm in another part of the world.
Intuitively these sorts of explanations don't appeal to you or me. Great effects should have great causes. Because of this we're likely to miss the connection between cause and effect when there is a mismatch in size.
Knowing about each of these biases is more than interesting, it is genuinely helpful in everyday life. It is sometimes easy to form the impression that we know the reasons for the things we do and think. Continually feeding this misapprehension is our need to feel in control of ourselves...and sometimes others
Friday, January 22, 2010
A change of pace
This is a story... a boys life of cloudy filled days. Now sees his hand out in front of his face. He's sees his path where his footsteps belong and can look back on footprints he's already left along,
only now does he see the other set walking on, though, he does not know to whom they belong...
He does know now that he is not alone
He wants to know who will be there when it's all done...should he not worry and just let wisdom pass on?
Furthermore he asks, if it happens for a reason, why do we feel confident about certain situations? The hopes and dreams, are you as well, growing impatient?
Maybe thats the gift that life in itself gives, for each to have goals just out past the limbs. We all try to cheat just to believe. Some don't know it ( or admit he wants to say) Some do, but understand they live to fight another day. For him, his question is different. Why cant he just have his own way? Is it a test or is it just hopeless? He answers himself... Knowledge has it's purpose
One man sees what the other doesn't believe, that same man believes what the other doesnt see. He will become anything his mind can conceive...such a powerful thinker... still stuck in a dream? an intuitive master... what a beautiful being.
only now does he see the other set walking on, though, he does not know to whom they belong...
He does know now that he is not alone
He wants to know who will be there when it's all done...should he not worry and just let wisdom pass on?
Furthermore he asks, if it happens for a reason, why do we feel confident about certain situations? The hopes and dreams, are you as well, growing impatient?
Maybe thats the gift that life in itself gives, for each to have goals just out past the limbs. We all try to cheat just to believe. Some don't know it ( or admit he wants to say) Some do, but understand they live to fight another day. For him, his question is different. Why cant he just have his own way? Is it a test or is it just hopeless? He answers himself... Knowledge has it's purpose
One man sees what the other doesn't believe, that same man believes what the other doesnt see. He will become anything his mind can conceive...such a powerful thinker... still stuck in a dream? an intuitive master... what a beautiful being.
From the Heart
I've been wondering why do people accuse other people of being crazy? Yes, I am guilty of it also. It just confuses me because who is a man to say whether or not another man is "normal" ? What is normal anyway? A perception someone has of one being right? Or even a group (society) of people who try to act like each other to feel good about themselves.
I'm not like anyone, I don't dress like anyone, I don't have a common "swag" , some of my experiences may be similar to others, but I think that if the majority of people shared some of my views ( which is not to say I'm right or wrong) I think there would be a vast amount of compassion and sincerity and I feel one's ability to endure would expand. In short, more love.
I've hurt a lot of people along my journey understanding love but it has helped me. It sounds selfish but maybe that is what I truly needed to go through to understand what not to be and become who I am today.
I've realized the love I have today is for the ones really there to help me along my way. I cannot begin to describe what the feeling is like, because it is a greater feeling then I'll probably ever know again. I have been looking this whole time for someone to lift my spirits not knowing they have been there for me my whole life. All I've really been looking for is someone to experience new things through life with. I'll always have love, I want companionship. The trouble is I don't think true companionship is plentiful in this day an age. Negativity, lust and greed occupy the minds of most and leave little room for true dedication to another persons heart.
As my patience grows short, my mind gets clearer I see more and more of today and tomorrow. I begin to separate emotions from thought. I had a discussion today about faith and the only thing concluded from it was that so many people are close minded and seem to have no room for others opinion, They're right and I'm wrong! I'm learning to accept that a lot of individuals are set in their beliefs and if I just pay attention to what I believe in maybe I'll enjoy a lot more. Stop worrying about what people think except to protect me and my loved ones well being.
Once again, organize thoughts and feelings and I WILL accomplish what I don't know is ahead of me! Be who I am and what I know I can be!
I want to fill up my slot with a lot of experience to pass on!
I'm not like anyone, I don't dress like anyone, I don't have a common "swag" , some of my experiences may be similar to others, but I think that if the majority of people shared some of my views ( which is not to say I'm right or wrong) I think there would be a vast amount of compassion and sincerity and I feel one's ability to endure would expand. In short, more love.
I've hurt a lot of people along my journey understanding love but it has helped me. It sounds selfish but maybe that is what I truly needed to go through to understand what not to be and become who I am today.
I've realized the love I have today is for the ones really there to help me along my way. I cannot begin to describe what the feeling is like, because it is a greater feeling then I'll probably ever know again. I have been looking this whole time for someone to lift my spirits not knowing they have been there for me my whole life. All I've really been looking for is someone to experience new things through life with. I'll always have love, I want companionship. The trouble is I don't think true companionship is plentiful in this day an age. Negativity, lust and greed occupy the minds of most and leave little room for true dedication to another persons heart.
As my patience grows short, my mind gets clearer I see more and more of today and tomorrow. I begin to separate emotions from thought. I had a discussion today about faith and the only thing concluded from it was that so many people are close minded and seem to have no room for others opinion, They're right and I'm wrong! I'm learning to accept that a lot of individuals are set in their beliefs and if I just pay attention to what I believe in maybe I'll enjoy a lot more. Stop worrying about what people think except to protect me and my loved ones well being.
Once again, organize thoughts and feelings and I WILL accomplish what I don't know is ahead of me! Be who I am and what I know I can be!
I want to fill up my slot with a lot of experience to pass on!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Happiness
Reality is in fact neither good nor bad, it is a very plastic inkblot sort of thing that can be bent and twisted in many directions depending on your beliefs.
What’s that you say?
Well, that's a complicated question and it gets into the meaning of life, but suffice it to say that what is really going on is so strange, so complex, and so far beyond our everyday understanding, that it bears no relationship to what you think of as "reality," "truth," or "reason." Good and bad, happy and sad, these are notions that you are imposing on the world around you. . The answer to unhappiness is both liberating and infuriating, but here it is.
Happiness doesn't depend on anything that has or has not happened in the past, nor does it depend on your future prospects. (Thank God, huh?)
The simple fact is, in order to be happy: You must decide to be happy. Isn't that aggravating? You can't blame it on anyone else, and no one else can do a thing for you. You've just got to decide to be happy, whether or not your logical mind thinks it is rational to be happy and whether or not your moral sense thinks you deserve to be happy.
You absolutely will not be happy for any length of time until you decide to, and if you decide to, you can be happy in the face of the most miserable circumstances.
Think of someone you know that seems pretty happy about life. How would you describe their attitude? Are they kidding themselves? Are they ignoring the ugly truth about life that's right in front of their eyes and pretending that some happy fantasy world that exists only in their head is real? Well, guess what. That is exactly how every happy person in the world acts. And the really strange thing is that it's OK.
The reason that you are unhappy is that you have constructed a fantasy world just as complete and just as removed from the "facts" as the haughty imaginings that you so despise in those happy people.
People tell their children (with words and actions) that they are no-good, worthless, useless drains on their parents' happiness, pocketbooks, and patience. Given this scenario, you get a lot of adults who became convinced as children that they were just no good, and they helpfully pass this attitude on to their children. Lovely predicament, huh?
Well, thankfully, they were wrong. Let's take useless first, it's easier. You cannot be classified as useless, because you aren't really supposed to have to make yourself useful. Look at the natural world. What is the use of a tree? Well, it has many uses, but it isn't TRYING to be useful. There's the difference. It's just doing what it wants (or so we assume) and in the process of doing that it does its job in the natural order of things. Despite all the rantings of moralists, we are all in the same boat. The only way you are ever going to do an ounce of good in the world is to do what you want. Do what makes you happy, or at least what distracts you from your misery.
How, you may ask, does doing what you like do any good? Look around you. Look at people who seem to be trying very hard to be useful. Are they really doing good things for people? Or do they make everyone around them miserable with all their haughty and incessant busy bodying? I suspect it is the latter. The people who really do others some good are the people who are doing what they like and who aren't very interested in being useful. They are usually interesting to be around, because they are doing things that interest them. They are often fun to be around, because they appreciate fun and know how to laugh and not take anything too seriously. They inspire other people to figure out what it is that they want to do by example, thus causing more people to be interested in life and interesting to be around, fun loving, etc.
Out of all the people we meet in life, those who do their own thing are the people who have the most profoundly positive impact on us, who make our lives richer in the most fundamental, meaningful way. Can you really call that useless?
Sure, working in a soup kitchen will feed people, but if you're being a martyr about it because you don't really want to be there, everyone around you will see right through you and hate you for being moralistic and insincere. You will end up doing more harm than good. So, revel in your perfect uselessness. It's the useful thing to do. What if everyone in the world just did what they wanted? If you can overcome the stigma of uselessness, you are halfway to getting over worthlessness. Because worthlessness is often just the moral judgment you place on yourself when you think you are useless. However, worthlessness goes deeper. Worthlessness implies that you don't even have a right to be here.
You see, there are really only two moral beliefs about people, either people are basically good, or they are basically bad. Ninety-nine percent of the world's population believes that people are basically bad, and that's a problem. If it's true that people are basically bad, then there is no hope for us; democracy is obviously doomed, and a benevolent monarchy is impossible because no basically bad person could stay benevolent once they had all that power.
Are people basically bad? Let's look at the facts. Once again, look at the people around you. Once you get to know them, you realize that:
Everyone on the planet is in exactly the same state of moral worth because we are all doing the best we can with what we have.
Poor upbringings cause many people to not have much to do their best with, but hey, that's life.
Criminals believe they are powerless, so breaking the social contract is the only way they think they can get what they need and manage to feel somewhat powerful.
People without that hang-up can see that cooperation and respect are really how things get accomplished, but both of these types of people are simply trying to live a fulfilling life using the methods that they think have the best chance of working. So you see, people are basically good. They are all trying to do their best.
They often just need some help overcoming inner demons and behavior patterns that aren't really working for them.
Obviously, we are all in the same boat. You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are already living the most moral and correct life you know how to live. There is nothing more you can do at this moment to be a better person. You are already a good person. You do not have to strive every moment to be better than it is possible for you to be. Smile at yourself. We're OK.
Now, it should be clear that you can improve. Not by beating yourself over the head for bad things you've done; those things couldn't be helped. You were just doing your best with what you had. What you can do is learn where your blind spots are. Watch others. People who at first glance are just plain old bad people are on further investigation suffering from horrendous misconceptions about how the world works. You also have misconceptions about the best way to get what you want.
What’s that you say?
Well, that's a complicated question and it gets into the meaning of life, but suffice it to say that what is really going on is so strange, so complex, and so far beyond our everyday understanding, that it bears no relationship to what you think of as "reality," "truth," or "reason." Good and bad, happy and sad, these are notions that you are imposing on the world around you. . The answer to unhappiness is both liberating and infuriating, but here it is.
Happiness doesn't depend on anything that has or has not happened in the past, nor does it depend on your future prospects. (Thank God, huh?)
The simple fact is, in order to be happy: You must decide to be happy. Isn't that aggravating? You can't blame it on anyone else, and no one else can do a thing for you. You've just got to decide to be happy, whether or not your logical mind thinks it is rational to be happy and whether or not your moral sense thinks you deserve to be happy.
You absolutely will not be happy for any length of time until you decide to, and if you decide to, you can be happy in the face of the most miserable circumstances.
Think of someone you know that seems pretty happy about life. How would you describe their attitude? Are they kidding themselves? Are they ignoring the ugly truth about life that's right in front of their eyes and pretending that some happy fantasy world that exists only in their head is real? Well, guess what. That is exactly how every happy person in the world acts. And the really strange thing is that it's OK.
The reason that you are unhappy is that you have constructed a fantasy world just as complete and just as removed from the "facts" as the haughty imaginings that you so despise in those happy people.
People tell their children (with words and actions) that they are no-good, worthless, useless drains on their parents' happiness, pocketbooks, and patience. Given this scenario, you get a lot of adults who became convinced as children that they were just no good, and they helpfully pass this attitude on to their children. Lovely predicament, huh?
Well, thankfully, they were wrong. Let's take useless first, it's easier. You cannot be classified as useless, because you aren't really supposed to have to make yourself useful. Look at the natural world. What is the use of a tree? Well, it has many uses, but it isn't TRYING to be useful. There's the difference. It's just doing what it wants (or so we assume) and in the process of doing that it does its job in the natural order of things. Despite all the rantings of moralists, we are all in the same boat. The only way you are ever going to do an ounce of good in the world is to do what you want. Do what makes you happy, or at least what distracts you from your misery.
How, you may ask, does doing what you like do any good? Look around you. Look at people who seem to be trying very hard to be useful. Are they really doing good things for people? Or do they make everyone around them miserable with all their haughty and incessant busy bodying? I suspect it is the latter. The people who really do others some good are the people who are doing what they like and who aren't very interested in being useful. They are usually interesting to be around, because they are doing things that interest them. They are often fun to be around, because they appreciate fun and know how to laugh and not take anything too seriously. They inspire other people to figure out what it is that they want to do by example, thus causing more people to be interested in life and interesting to be around, fun loving, etc.
Out of all the people we meet in life, those who do their own thing are the people who have the most profoundly positive impact on us, who make our lives richer in the most fundamental, meaningful way. Can you really call that useless?
Sure, working in a soup kitchen will feed people, but if you're being a martyr about it because you don't really want to be there, everyone around you will see right through you and hate you for being moralistic and insincere. You will end up doing more harm than good. So, revel in your perfect uselessness. It's the useful thing to do. What if everyone in the world just did what they wanted? If you can overcome the stigma of uselessness, you are halfway to getting over worthlessness. Because worthlessness is often just the moral judgment you place on yourself when you think you are useless. However, worthlessness goes deeper. Worthlessness implies that you don't even have a right to be here.
You see, there are really only two moral beliefs about people, either people are basically good, or they are basically bad. Ninety-nine percent of the world's population believes that people are basically bad, and that's a problem. If it's true that people are basically bad, then there is no hope for us; democracy is obviously doomed, and a benevolent monarchy is impossible because no basically bad person could stay benevolent once they had all that power.
Are people basically bad? Let's look at the facts. Once again, look at the people around you. Once you get to know them, you realize that:
Everyone on the planet is in exactly the same state of moral worth because we are all doing the best we can with what we have.
Poor upbringings cause many people to not have much to do their best with, but hey, that's life.
Criminals believe they are powerless, so breaking the social contract is the only way they think they can get what they need and manage to feel somewhat powerful.
People without that hang-up can see that cooperation and respect are really how things get accomplished, but both of these types of people are simply trying to live a fulfilling life using the methods that they think have the best chance of working. So you see, people are basically good. They are all trying to do their best.
They often just need some help overcoming inner demons and behavior patterns that aren't really working for them.
Obviously, we are all in the same boat. You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are already living the most moral and correct life you know how to live. There is nothing more you can do at this moment to be a better person. You are already a good person. You do not have to strive every moment to be better than it is possible for you to be. Smile at yourself. We're OK.
Now, it should be clear that you can improve. Not by beating yourself over the head for bad things you've done; those things couldn't be helped. You were just doing your best with what you had. What you can do is learn where your blind spots are. Watch others. People who at first glance are just plain old bad people are on further investigation suffering from horrendous misconceptions about how the world works. You also have misconceptions about the best way to get what you want.
Rules? What rules?
I realize I have a problem trying to get around or bend rules to make my life comfortable.
This is a habit.
A habit is defined in the dictionary as being a characteristic conditioning of mind or body, an act that is acquired and has become automatic. Certaintly, it would then follow that a condition of the mind could either be positive or negative in nature, depending upon the characteristic of the habit. Because I have formed a series of bad habits — habits that take away from the success I desire — in order to break the habit, I must replace it with a new one.
Every day I am faced with new activities and circumstances. Once a choice is made pertaining to new activities or circumstances, I file the information gathered regarding the choice process into my brain. When confronted by a similiar situation at a future date, I am faced with another choice — take the course of action used before or use a new one. I must learn to recognize whether the previous action was beneficial or whether, perhaps, a new course would be better.
When a solution has been used three or four times, the process has become conditioned and a habit has been formed.
I am where I am and I am what I am because I react to circumstances with habits that have been proven to be not the best solutions to my problems. I must be willing to discard a habit which does not contribute to my achieving success and replace it with one that does.
I must learn to recognize that in order to change my circumstance I must change my habits.
First, I have to look at my attitude. My attitude becomes a habit of acting, feeling or thinking which reflects my disposition or opinions. Acting or reacting about a topic is the result of my thinking process (the way I think about a certain situation). An attitude then must be a mental habit.
I form attitudes which have governed my life for so long.
Many of which that become part of my make up are not healthy, they do not contribute to my well being and should be changed. If attitude is a mental habit then it is a product of my brain. My brain is the only thing that I can control alone. So I am the only one that can control my attitude.
Changing my attitude is not easy but it can be done. It requires a want to change, a want that has taken 27 years to realize certain attitudes need to change.
To change them, I am trying to understand why I want those certain attitudes changed. One attitude inherent to me that I have recognized and is resistent to change is my "dont rock the boat" attitude.
This is caused by the fact that I fear the unknown and although things could be better, at least I know where I am now. I often fear entering into a situation that is unknown or unfamiliar. Then I resist any change because I do not have sufficient information to initiate change.
We are capable and intelligent beings, not simply creatures governed by conditioned reflex and instinct. I must strive to change unhealthy habits or negative attitudes, shut off the current and break through the wire fence of habits, attitudes and conditioning which prevent me from being more successful.
I have learned that when I try to do something I have never done before, no matter how it turns out, I am making progress. If I try and fail I have learned one of two things, either it cannot be done that way or with more effort and another approach it can be achieved.
I cannot let fear of making mistakes stop me from acting, for it is only through acting that I learn to achieve. I often complain of my circumstances and conditions and yet there is an abundance of material surrounding me that could be had for the taking if I just used my imagination and talent to better my conditions.
There are three kinds of people in this world.
The Doers: People who cause things to happen.
The Observers: People who watch the progress of others.
The Uninterested: People who aren’t even aware of what is really going on.
WHO ARE YOU?
Hardships and setbacks are often a source of opportunity if acted upon. In my experience, I see that when I act I will encounter many setbacks in life but if I react upon those setbacks they would prove to be an asset, as opposed to a liability. It requires no more effort to aim high than it does to aim low.
First, I expect that it is natural to be upset, angry, depressed or guilty.
WRONG!!!
Who says I can’t be happy?
On whose authority is such a premise made?
My life won’t be spent depressed and miserable anymore.
I was conditioned to believe that making changes to my personality and behavior patterns is a complicated, if not impossible, task. It is not hard, not difficult, not complicated to change my behavior.
I must cast aside any silly notion to the contrary. I was convinced that changing myself to be more successful and a happier individual will require not only a lot more effort but a long time as well.
Not true.
That habit can and will be broken — NOW.
All that is required is a firm persistent commitment to change. It is the external factors which surround me that make me what I am today.
This is a habit.
A habit is defined in the dictionary as being a characteristic conditioning of mind or body, an act that is acquired and has become automatic. Certaintly, it would then follow that a condition of the mind could either be positive or negative in nature, depending upon the characteristic of the habit. Because I have formed a series of bad habits — habits that take away from the success I desire — in order to break the habit, I must replace it with a new one.
Every day I am faced with new activities and circumstances. Once a choice is made pertaining to new activities or circumstances, I file the information gathered regarding the choice process into my brain. When confronted by a similiar situation at a future date, I am faced with another choice — take the course of action used before or use a new one. I must learn to recognize whether the previous action was beneficial or whether, perhaps, a new course would be better.
When a solution has been used three or four times, the process has become conditioned and a habit has been formed.
I am where I am and I am what I am because I react to circumstances with habits that have been proven to be not the best solutions to my problems. I must be willing to discard a habit which does not contribute to my achieving success and replace it with one that does.
I must learn to recognize that in order to change my circumstance I must change my habits.
First, I have to look at my attitude. My attitude becomes a habit of acting, feeling or thinking which reflects my disposition or opinions. Acting or reacting about a topic is the result of my thinking process (the way I think about a certain situation). An attitude then must be a mental habit.
I form attitudes which have governed my life for so long.
Many of which that become part of my make up are not healthy, they do not contribute to my well being and should be changed. If attitude is a mental habit then it is a product of my brain. My brain is the only thing that I can control alone. So I am the only one that can control my attitude.
Changing my attitude is not easy but it can be done. It requires a want to change, a want that has taken 27 years to realize certain attitudes need to change.
To change them, I am trying to understand why I want those certain attitudes changed. One attitude inherent to me that I have recognized and is resistent to change is my "dont rock the boat" attitude.
This is caused by the fact that I fear the unknown and although things could be better, at least I know where I am now. I often fear entering into a situation that is unknown or unfamiliar. Then I resist any change because I do not have sufficient information to initiate change.
We are capable and intelligent beings, not simply creatures governed by conditioned reflex and instinct. I must strive to change unhealthy habits or negative attitudes, shut off the current and break through the wire fence of habits, attitudes and conditioning which prevent me from being more successful.
I have learned that when I try to do something I have never done before, no matter how it turns out, I am making progress. If I try and fail I have learned one of two things, either it cannot be done that way or with more effort and another approach it can be achieved.
I cannot let fear of making mistakes stop me from acting, for it is only through acting that I learn to achieve. I often complain of my circumstances and conditions and yet there is an abundance of material surrounding me that could be had for the taking if I just used my imagination and talent to better my conditions.
There are three kinds of people in this world.
The Doers: People who cause things to happen.
The Observers: People who watch the progress of others.
The Uninterested: People who aren’t even aware of what is really going on.
WHO ARE YOU?
Hardships and setbacks are often a source of opportunity if acted upon. In my experience, I see that when I act I will encounter many setbacks in life but if I react upon those setbacks they would prove to be an asset, as opposed to a liability. It requires no more effort to aim high than it does to aim low.
First, I expect that it is natural to be upset, angry, depressed or guilty.
WRONG!!!
Who says I can’t be happy?
On whose authority is such a premise made?
My life won’t be spent depressed and miserable anymore.
I was conditioned to believe that making changes to my personality and behavior patterns is a complicated, if not impossible, task. It is not hard, not difficult, not complicated to change my behavior.
I must cast aside any silly notion to the contrary. I was convinced that changing myself to be more successful and a happier individual will require not only a lot more effort but a long time as well.
Not true.
That habit can and will be broken — NOW.
All that is required is a firm persistent commitment to change. It is the external factors which surround me that make me what I am today.
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