When it's so hard

It seems counterintuitive, but when you're mad at someone you care for, the best way to deal with your anger is to talk about it. All too often, I don't feel like speaking to the person who has irritated me, no matter who it is. But clamming up or inappropriately venting only causes more ill feelings.

Sharing your anger with the person you're mad at can actually be a bonding experience. The idea here is to calm yourself down long enough so that you can actually articulate what's going on for you. Perhaps you felt slighted, ignored, or just plain offended. Whatever the reason, not putting your feelings on the table will only lead to more of the same.

The challenge here is to move through your pain to a place of mutual healing and respect. Making up is far sexier than making each other wrong. Once you say what you need to say and feel heard by the other, you have created the opportunity for love to fill the hole in your heart.

Maybe we just do it wrong...maybe the anger and irritation are intensified by the criticism or the "need to change" approach. Maybe what needs to be done instead of the constant criticism is praise and acknowledgement of the strengths. Both perceptions or opinions should be analyzed not criticized. So it would be fair to say that both partners are usually guilty of this lack of understanding. I know I am.