My Inner child

"You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things." - The result of my inner child quiz!

Do you remember how carefree you were as a child? Children are typically honest, innocent, and filled with nonjudgmental and unconditional love. They are naturally curious and ask questions; they're mystified by objects and experiences we have chosen to take for granted. I certainly miss that outlook on life and every once in a while, I feel letting a childlike mentality take control is exactly what I need to help me feel refreshed.

The Inner Child is the aspect of each of us that is child-like: full of wonder and innocence, playful, spontaneous, in the moment, delicate, vulnerable, and nonjudgmental.

Some people believe that there is no such thing as a child like personality in each one of us. So then how do you explain the playful banter and the simple schoolyard gestures that most of us "adults" are guilty of? Where does that desire to feel tickled from time to time originate from? My vote goes to the undeniable fact that we all have an inner child.

Just yesterday I sat down for a few minutes before I started dinner and watched my wonderful other half take a short nap. My little boy comes to me holding an action figurine in each hand and says "DADDY!!!....GUYS WANNA FIGHT?" I looked him straight in the eye, smiled and said " OK buddy...let me see your guys and go get all the other guys and we'll fight! So I get up and go out into the living room and start to build this makeshift battle ring for these detailed plastic action figurines to duke it out until one emerges the victor! EXCITING!!!

AS I gather up his trucks, police cars and construction characters and create the audience for these ultimate warriors..I start to feel this light innocent tingling inside and with that all my adult inhibitions slowly going to a place that I didn't feel mattered...I got lost and started to embrace this sort of childlike reservoir from somewhere deep inside myself. It was relieving, almost therapeutical. Then we finally get the battle ground where this Ultimate Fighting Championship will take place all set up. Guys equipped and ready for battle. Ready......fight!

Bam! Pow!! Boom! Bsh Psh arrrgh!...were the noises coming out of my mouth as I brought these characters to life all the while watching the enthusiasm of this precious little boy as he cheers on his favorite guy.. "BAM BAM!! GET EM! GET EM GUY...OHHHH NOOOO!" The more I saw the excitement and happiness on his face the more animated I became..lost in this imaginative tournament. Before I realized it he was in the toy box searching for more warriors a few feet away as I continued to make these silly not even close to noises I would make in a normal conversation.

At that very moment, time was still, like I wasn't in reality, like I was in this made up world where anything goes...and it was OK, that there was no wrong or right or worry. The only emotion to be felt was complete and total happiness. Like a free spirit with no limits. Becoming aware of that feeling was even more powerful. After all the warriors were worn out and we had a champion, I just sat there and giggled at myself because it brought me back to when I used to play with my action figures as a kid and bring them to the fantasy battle grounds of my choice.

Those are the moments that are cherished and remembered and smiled upon. They are also the moments most easily forgotten by the ones who don't recognize an inner child. The ones that feel child like behavior is best left for the young in age. Reality is you have to nurture your inner child. No matter how hard you try, if you deny your Little Boy or Girl the love and acceptance they need to feel validated and safe enough to begin healing, they will no doubt sabotage you in ways you may not even notice. Your Inner Child needs you; you are the only true parent they can trust to be taken care of and nurtured. If abandoned by you, they will have nowhere else to go for help.

Then once lost, how does that define your inner self..how can ones inner self be free when its restrained by denying the child in you?

The Looking Glass..My new language

I am finding it more and more difficult to relate when there is a wall of unresolved grief and pain that surrounds us and prevents us from experiencing togetherness at the level my soul reaches out to. I know my healing is not complete by any means but I have focused on healing many aspects of myself and continue to inner track my hurts, pains and discomforts. I am feeling unfulfilled in what I'm responsible for. I really feel like there is a huge turning point at the soul level within myself. My question is - Do we expect so much change out of someone that it can be concluded that we weren't happy with what we fell in love with in the first place?

We have sometimes been known to feel as if our partners would develop into someone we perceive as being perfect for us over time.
Well, that means that we began the relationship from a place of non acceptance to start with - seeing them as not OK where they were and wanting them to be something else - like always wanting the moment that is to be different. So, how perfect is that? Having this issue is perfect for us, because that is what our soul has chosen to explore in this life?

If we can't see it this way, that is, being in the Now - being at Peace and seeing the perfection in all that is... That may be why we experience distress. If we have not yet developed a high level of being able to accept the moment as the perfection it is, we will be stressed out, discontent, and not at peace within ourselves. It's like putting on "Nothing is OK and it's all WRONG" glasses, and then looking out at the world through them. You know how that feels, right? Like you're standing on quicksand. But what you're really feeling deep inside is that YOU are "wrong" or not OK, and what happens then is that you will project that sense of things "being wrong' onto everything and everyone else. Right?

What would it feel like to put on glasses that saw all the beauty and perfection in the world - that saw the infinite journey we are all on? What would it feel like if you saw with infinite eyes that knew that it's all about taking the wisdom and richness out of every experience, every moment you have, and integrating that knowledge into your being, like squeezing a drop of dew from a plant leaf into your mouth and savoring it. How would THAT feel? And then you move on to the next moment to do the same thing with it.

If you can see life this way, from infinite abundance rather then from lack, from the richness of every moment you are in, no matter what it is, WITHOUT MAKING IT WRONG OR HAVING AN EXPECTATION OF WHAT IT 'SHOULD' BE - then every time you look at your partner, you would see the incredible journey their soul is on - you'd see what they are doing that is purely miraculous as they go about living their life. Even if the journey looks different from your own. Life is made up of an infinite variety of things and moments - and life embraces them all - all of it makes life what it is. Nothing is rejected, true? Life isn't made to just feel or look one way - every one's journey is a unique, amazing thing, with its own timing and choices and connectedness to life.

Right now we are needing our partner to be a certain way to fill up OUR life and give us the feelings and experiences we value and like to feel. It's not up to them to do that. It's up to us to value those things and give them to ourselves. Then we HAVE them, filled up with ourselves and what we love, and no one else has to try to give it to us. We must let go of any part of us that sees ourselves as lacking or not able to feel or experience or have what feels good to us: which means accepting ourselves and what we desire- accepting it as being 100% good and wonderful.

All that we can do is do what feels right to us, and live our own journey with passion and delight and not let anyone else dictate to us what our journey or desires or path "should" be. If we let others do that, chances are that WE do that to others as well - i.e., your partner - wanting them to change, not accepting them, wanting them to be what you are actually wanting YOURSELF to be. If you see them as sorrowful and with dislike, then chances are that is not healed within yourself, and you see it in them and are uncomfortable - wanting them to "GET OUT OF IT!" But, it's your own pain you are uncomfortable with. I was told to "Embrace it. Be patient and kind to yourself. Let it be what it is. Just observe it without judgment, and it will pass, as all things do, in its own time."

If a person is meant to continue on your journey with you, when you make a dramatic change, that person will as well. If they don't, then the flow of life will naturally end your travels together because you won't be vibrating along similar patterns and the roads you both naturally take will separate. Each soul will take the road that matches their vibration. If we put out that intention and thought, that whatever is in the Highest Good is the only thing that can happen - if we don't trust in that process - and focus on our own transformation, it will all be perfect, as it only can be. Right? Right. Don't think you have to force or push the process. Or worry it. Or judge it. All we need to do is allow our own transformation and embrace ourselves and our journey. This doesn't mean only think of yourself, more so how you can be better for the one(s) you want around you. Then we can just enjoy and delight in what we see. It's all about how we choose to view things...

Elucidation..." Mr. Big Words "

When I was younger I never understood that a strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. It can actually improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well.

However, it can also be one of the greatest drains if the relationship is not working. Someone told me once that its like an investment. The more you put in, the more you get back. Understanding love and what a healthy relationship is takes work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team.

Everyone’s relationship is unique, But there are some things that good relationships have in common and I'm sure most of us are familiar with what makes a healthy relationship... Staying involved with each other, Getting through conflict and Communicating just to name a few key elements. I have been focused on communication lately...For those of you who know me understand that I don't have a problem talking to anyone about any chosen topic...I believe I am quite assertive and can and will initiate conversation without hesitation.

I've been reading a lot on positive thinking and what is expected out of me in a relationship and also learning how to recognize where I hold my standards to what I want in a partner for life. I've come to realize that I also have to take a look at myself and see if I live up to those standards as well. How can I possibly expect someone to respect me a certain way if I'm not a mirror of what I want? I can say that looking back..I had expected much more than what I gave. Not fair at all.

All of this reading and personal reflection up to this point has embedded a key focus, something I thought I had down. What I am finding out is that I have the capability of communicating to any person on earth in a way where we would both feel comfortable about our topic. What I didn't realize is that you can't expect everyone to have the same ability. With that expectation I sometimes feel I am being shut off when I am trying to discuss something important to my or " our " well being. I expect a rebuttal or an almost immediate response. All that does is create negative energy in the conversation because something gets said that pushes a known button, then the focus is off of the issue and... it snowballs.

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When we stop communicating well, we stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. I was told that as long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing. My confusion lies at, how can you determine whether your partner is willing to understand the importance of communicating or whether they have so much that needs to be fixed within them that it takes the focus off of communication and can't completely express themselves?

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact or leaning forward or away communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, both of us have to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help us understand better what one another is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist " No I'm not fine " , while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling to me you are not. If you give a look that some say "could kill" and then asked what was done wrong and you respond with nothing I'm going to feel like your not being truthful because I understand the look to be associated with " No I'm not fine "
If you have known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, no ones partner is a mind-reader. While I may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. I may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on both of our parts to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

If you approach me with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. I read that sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictions about something, but I deserve to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what I need, and compromise when you can.

We both are learning how to respectfully resolve conflict. Still a few kinks here and there but conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep this relationship strong, we both need to feel we’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve with respect and love.
Make sure you are fighting fair. Don’t attack directly but use “I” to communicate how you feel. Don’t drag old arguments into the mix. Keep the focus on the issue at hand. Not flashing things in my face like tit for tat.

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. We won’t always be on the same page.
Don’t take out your problems on me. Life stresses can make us both short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, Wouldn't it seem easier to vent to or with me then to snap?
I know you are going through a lot but try as much as possible to be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always going to take place in any relationship, and it allows us to grow together through both the good times and the bad.